L'esprit d'escalier. The spirit of the stairwell. What this saying expresses is that feeling you get as your walking back down a stairwell and you're thinking of all the smart and clever things you could have said or done before you left.
There have been many times in my life when I've thought of this saying: when people make fun of me and the only witty retort I can come up with is "no, you are," in the middle of radiology conference when I can't think of the correct differential diagnosis, when I get asked a question on a topic I'm presenting and my only response is to sweat profusely.
But through all those times I've managed to take comfort that there actually IS a saying for this. The fact that this saying exists implies that it's commonplace enough to warrant an expression.
The most poignant time I had to seek solace in this phrase was when I asked Lana's parents for their permission and blessings before I proposed to her. I had planned to do thorough google research on things to say and the proper etiquette for how to approach this. Unfortunately I got sick and things didn't work out for me to do a proper job.
I don't remember exactly what I said, but I DO remember that it was filled with mumbling and mindless repetition and might as well have been uttered by a complete drunk. While they eventually surrendered their permission, I lied awake that night thinking of all the things I should have said. How much more eloquent I could have been. How much more preparation should have been applied to such a big event.
It's not easy for a father to give away a daughter, especially one as lovely as Lana. And here was his prospective son in law, with a supposed MD behind his name, bumbling around like a moron.
And so I wrote this, addressed to Lana's parents, invoking "the spirit of the stairwell," to express what I should have said that day.
Drs. Richard and Lan Tu.
Lana and I have been together for over 7 years. We've been seriously committed to each other for everyday of that time. We've fought, we've cried, we've laughed, and most importantly we've grown together. I know her better than I know anyone else in the world. She knows me better than anyone else in the world. We are right for each other and we love each other deeply. While we've spent much of our time apart, separated by distance, we overcame this challenge and found that our bond was strengthened by this obstacle.
I promise to take care of Lana for the rest of her life. I promise to make her happy. I promise to always respect her. I promise we will approach every roadblock life throws at us together as a singular unit.
I promise to make you proud in leaving the unique treasure that is your eldest daughter with me.
And so, it is with this, that I humbly request your permission and your blessings in asking your daughter for her hand in marriage.
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Thank you all for allowing me this second chance.
